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They say we shouldn’t blame God because whatever happen is a consequence of one’s actions.
So what have abused children done to receive such fate? What have those abandoned children done to be ignored by their parents or children?
So parents sinned, children bear the pain?
My very first time experiencing of sea-sick last nite…not on the boat though, but in the cinema!!
I went to catch Cloverfield with my friends in Cathay last nite. It was an interesting one of a kind sci-fic/fantasy movie, but mind you..after the first 20 minutes, my stomach already churning and my head starts spinning. By the end of the 85 minutes, I seriously felt like puking. I thought I would have puke in the cinema. Thank god I wasn’t munching there, elsee…. This kinda movie is definitely not for people like me who can’t even last 1/2 hour playing CS!! Oh..please don’t mistaken. The puiki-ness is not caused by grossness but due to the video orientation because the movie was shot using a camcoder. Is is like watching a real-live documentary which is kinda cool. And because of the way it was shot which limits our perspective to what the victim see through his camcoder, I can grip the emotions of the people in the crisis. It is definitely a must watch. This movie makes u feel I won’t reveal the storyline…go and watch it yourself. But please dun go with your stomach full…just in case. 
And do watch it in a cinema with good surround. Cathay in Singapore is damn cun..the surround is soo good we can feel the chair shaking and heart thump-thumping. 
Once when I was really down and upset, a special friend of mind once told me that instead of being hard on myself, I should try to let go of all the burden and surrender to GOD. This special friend also said that there will always be someone who is willing to die for me because of love if I choose to believe. I never really put the things he said into heart until today. I have always been a free thinker. I never really believe in the existance of GOD. Ironically, I never doubt the existance of ghosts, devils and evil spirits. I guess I am what people with beliefs and religion classified as ‘lost’ and ‘needs saving’, rite? few weeks ago, I have made a promised to a special friend that I will at least explore GOD-xistance. That is a sincere promise but it is not easy for me to accept his existance because if GOD existed, why are there still suffering in this world? Why are there still wars? If GOD exists, shouldnt everyone be living a peaceful happy life? Why would GOD wants anyone to suffer? If GOD exists, why does innocent people still die and why does evil still persist?If GOD loves everyone equally, why are some people filthy rich while others could barely survive? I really wish someone could answer my doubts.
However, today for a special reason, I had this urged to seek the guidance and help from GOD(no GOD in particular, just a general one I guess). And I really hope he can hear me and will answer my prayers. Not putting high hopes though since I have ignored and doubted his existance for such a long time. And sadly, there is part of me who is still doubting it. But I still hope GOD won’t ignore my prayers cause it is for someone who believe in him whole heartedly.
Sigh.
Just arrived at Singapore 5 hours ago. Am feeling very exhausted now. It had been a depressing weekend. Am happy to be back. Am happy to hang out with my friends. However my happy wonderful weekend is ruined when I received cruel hurtful words from a person I once trusted and cared. Just when I decided to put all the guilt and heartache behind me and carry on, he miracluosly found the key to open it up again. Well.Wtf. Screw him. I was not only disappointed in him, but myself. Perhaps I have some problem conveying messages? Come to think of it. I have been real dumb. Why even put an effort to remain friends? But I also should thank him for bring so hurtful. At least I finally come to terms with myself. I won’t feel guilty for the decision I made 2 years ago. I don’t deserve all this s***. You know what, I did not lose nothing letting go of ya. And even if I do, it is certainly not you.
PS: Please do not misunderstood…..I am not seeking sympathy here….. I am just hurt and upset…
